


To Leave the Guilt Behind

by orphan_account



Series: Of Alliances and other relationships [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Wano Arc (One Piece), mention of abuses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22240009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After their reunion, Kid  & Killer find shelter into a cave.
Relationships: Eustass Kid & Killer, Eustass Kid/Killer
Series: Of Alliances and other relationships [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1597846
Comments: 5
Kudos: 99





	To Leave the Guilt Behind

  
  


“I’m sorry,” he whispered, leaning into Kid’s personal space as to find comfort under the fur of his captain’s cape as if the warmth coming from that could ease the anger and despair hidden behind his joyful expression.

Kid didn’t reply. He kept himself quiet and stared at his partner wounded face while said companion settled himself comfortably, creating his nest between the captain’s arm and the broad chest. With that fucking smile still on his face, he made his long, bandaged fingers crawl onto Kid’s forearm, slowly and slightly - unsure, almost, with a foreigner caution, as if his captain was a fierce animal to be scared of. And Killer did believe that Kid would be able to eat him alive if he wanted to - he needed to pay attention to Kid’s reactions and his mood; another mistake would be enough to start a war between them, at that moment. 

Kid hadn’t cooled down yet, and Killer would make a perfect partner for sparring - Killer was still lusting after blood, and Kid just happened to be strong enough to endure his need.

But it wouldn’t solve anything. The very thought of fighting against each other like two stupid brats made both of them uncomfortable. Weird.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde said again, turning to face the rain falling outside - the cave was not as comfortable as a bed could ever be, but, at that moment, it was everything they could afford. They had no money, they didn’t know where their comrades were, and Kid had no strength left to wander around the nearest town to look for a hostel of any kind - let alone wanting to fight, civilians or not. They needed to rest, and despite their freezing asses, the cave was enough, for now. They were enough.

  
  


“I truly am,” the man at his side resumed, but Kid didn’t say anything yet. 

It was true, there were many things that needed to be discussed, but it wouldn’t be the best moment for that, and the red-haired man wasn’t even sure about what to say to his partner to shush him to rest. In addition to that, that always-fucking- stupidly-happy appearance was what was pissing Kid the most: the flashing smile on Killer’s face was dazzling, but despite Kid liking it, a lot, it was terribly fake and he was ending up hating it. 

“I didn’t want them to hurt you,” Killer explained as if it could make it any better - the hint of a repressed laugh audible in his voice, followed by the glimmer of a tear descending onto his cheek. Despite wanting to reassure his captain, the admission made everything worse: did Killer submit himself to the enemy to protect Kid? They were at this point, weren’t they? But Kid despised this idea - it wasn’t crew that should have protected the captain, but it should have been the other way around!

The captain had the duty to take care of his crew, leading them to safety, promising the least amount of losses. But now? The ship was nowhere to be found; his crew was not there either; Killer was there, but at what cost? His brain was completely fucked! And who knew what else could have they done to him!

“I thought to be alone,” Kid didn’t understand why Killer needed to apologize - he was the one who had fucked up everything; did he really think to need his captain’s forgiveness? At the end of the day, they were in that situation because of Kid’s inability to make good and wise decisions, as if their misadventures with the Red-Haired hadn’t been enough to prove it. Still, thinking about that now, Killer should have imposed himself before allowing Kid to bring them in that situation. He knew Kid would have listened to him - but he hadn’t said anything...

The blonde pressed his free hand against his mouth, cheeks swelling, full of the incoming laughter, as big as a pufferfish, but with tears wetting his eyes. He did feel the sadness and the guilt of his actions eating him from the inside, begging to find a way out from that forced cage, but his muscles kept everything bottled up into his mind with no chance for him to share and show that darkness. 

  
  


**It was not enough…**

**It’s my fault…**

**I left him alone...**

  
  


He tried to repress any sound, first because he didn’t want to piss Kid even more, and then because he didn’t want to hear his own laugh - that stupid, weird sound that his ears couldn’t stand any longer! If he could, he’d rip off his vocal-cords, just to be sure to not be able to make a sound ever again. After all, the Massacre Soldier didn’t need to waste his time talking when his one and only duty was to kill, massacre, slay and repeat. But Kid wouldn’t allow him to do such a thing, though - Kid would tell him that he a dumb-ass to even are about such a thing.

Yet, everything he could show to his captain was pretentious happiness, and Kid watched his companion fighting against the illogical need of booming into laughter. He stared back as Killer brushes his hand against his mouth, scratching his lips as the red lipstick got wiped away by his injured fingertips, and strangled snorts started escaping from his mouth. If he could, he would have sealed his lips, stitching it raw, Kid could guess that much. 

The captain decided to stop him, using his good hand to grab Killer’s and lowered it. He didn’t say anything yet - he merely observed Killer, who didn’t dare to turn up his gaze, not now, defeated by his captain silence, who was determinate to take responsibility for everything that has happened. It wasn’t his crew that was weak. It was him! The captain was the problem.

Meanwhile, Killer was still focused on the rain outside - the fog raised, making impossible to see the entrance of the wood that surrounded their hideout. There was only pure, untouchable white, and heavy drops of water falling down, forcibly and unstoppably. It was poetic in a certain way, it was as if the weather was giving voice to Killer’s inner mood - he just wanted to cry and shout and cling to Kid’s coat to hide his face into it. Like back then in their childhood, when Kid used to go around with that big, fancy cover and Killer hid with him under all the fur, together, falling asleep to forget the bad days and forget all the pain of some kids that had punched them stronger. It’d be nice to fit under Kid’s coat and sleep until dawn - even better if when they would wake up, everything was back to normal.

  
  


**Let it be a nightmare.**

  
  


Would he ever be able again to control his laugh? Killer didn’t want to live like that; he didn’t want to laugh in front of everyone; he didn’t want people to make fun of Kid because of his crazy first mate. Kid. He didn’t want anyone to jeer at his captain and this though, abruptly, made he burst out into said hated laugh, making Kid sigh, annoyed - or, maybe, resigned.

  
  


**This is not me, Kid!**

**I’m not like this!**

**Please!**

“I’m sorry!” The Massacre Soldier repeated, once again, not noticing Kid’s fingers intertwining with his - he was too focused on the sounds erupting from his chest to notice that Kid was trying to scoop him against his own, trying to reassure him with his heartbeat. He didn’t notice when his captain started breathing against his head, releasing his hand and started to get rid of all the bandages covering his scalp. He didn’t notice because he was trying his best to find a way to give a voice to his anger - everything that came out was nothing more than a mockery of what was growing inside of his head.

  
  


**Useless!**

**Can’t even protect my Captain!**

Kid’s never been good with words - when he opened his mouth it could either end in a fight or in a lot of unwanted tension and right now they had too many things to think about already. He knew he was the cause of everything; he knew that everything had happened because of his stupid alliance - he knew, and he was mad at himself for what he had caused! He had felt useless at first, weak too - his proud ached after everything that had happened with Shanks. He needed something with which he could rebuild it - he needed Kaido’s blood - or so he had thought before their misadventure in Wano Kuni.

“We need to find the others,” Kid said eventually, they had no time for self-pity. A king could not hesitate any longer.

“We need to find the others, the ship, and fight back,” he added when bandages were no longer wrapped around Killer’s face and he sighed, relieved by not finding any major wound on his skin aside from some minors ones. Those scratches would heal eventually. Killer’s blond bang covered his eyes again, hiding his tears - the only thing Kid needed to adjust was that ridiculous high-tail. What was wrong with whoever had styled Killer’s hair that way? It was horrible!

Killer’s hair, always so shiny and golden, was ruined, and dirty - blood was still between some of his locks and it didn’t suit him at all.

Then, after inspecting his companion again, Kid noticed: Killer was facing him, wide eyes, filled with excitement, a feeling probably boosted by the SMILE’s effects but pure and genuine - Kid was sure that it wasn’t just happiness what he could see into his eyes, though. There was guilt in disguise too, behind the pretentious satisfaction.

“But I left you there,” Killer stated, voice reaching a note too high, completely distorted, by that fictitious emotion filtering everything. How could Kid get used to that, he probably asked himself. There should be a cure for that, right? He could be back to normal, right?

“You needed to survive,” Kid retorted, “And I expect you alive when I’ll be the new Pirate King.” Because they were not done yet! He could still make it! They only neede to grow stronger and fuck the shit out of whoever would try to kick their asses once again! They would make it work!

Killer stiffened but another laugh, louder than before, boomed and it echoed in the cave, making Kid shiver. How strange it was to hear Killer’s laugh after all this time - since the day they met, Kid liked Killer’s laugh very much: it was so different - so like Killer, in a certain way - and it attracted him, every time. And this very last laugh reminded him of the true man that his first mate was: this, this laughter was Killer’s one! 

“You’re not giving up, aren’t you?” Killer managed to ask but what he got was only the low sound of Kid snorting, and the good harm coming back around his waist, keeping him in place, almost like Kid was actually afraid of him leaving again. Too afraid of letting him go too eager to team up together again, 

But Killer didn’t understand: why would Kid want him back? He had betrayed him! Hadn’t he? 

Kid smiled - better, he grinned, and Killer noticed wrinkles around his mouth and eyes, and bruises all over his face and neck - scratches were covering his upper body and he smelled of blood - had he fought against more enemies just to find him?

“One Piece would be useless without you at my side.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come and shout at me on Twitter! @Cam3ulia (you'll find art too, so...)


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